[Jarod] It was a half-moon tonight. Lately, the moon's cycles had been more noticeable to him. There'd always been a kind of ritualistic importance to it (archaic sanctity - it marked the days, it pulled on the blood,) but last week he'd climbed a snow-covered cliff in Wisconsin and gazed at Luna's face when she was full and gleaming, and he'd been able, then, to reach out and pull the life force from a dying deer into his hand, and there'd been something miraculous in that. It had marked a passage, and She'd been there to see it.
The silver light was muted here, in the city, behind the smog and the diffuse glow, but it whispered in his veins all the same.
He'd arrived here shortly after Ashley's call, and rang the buzzer the alert her to his presence. At some point, someone let him in (someone standing outside, or Ashley herself) and then he made his way up the stairs to her unit. She'd sounded tired when she'd called. He knocked quietly. When she answered the door, he leaned down and kissed the center of her forehead gently before moving inside to take off his coat and shoes. There were jeans and a thin black sweater beneath.
"It's nice to see you," he admitted. "How are things going these days?"
[Ashley] Ashley had invited him half-certain he would turn down the invitation. He hasn't, and so here he is.
The buzzer, at the moment, is like hearing someone turn on a chainsaw next to her good ear. Ashley twitches where she's lying, and then sighs and, gradually, moves over to the doorway. It isn't quite appropriate to say that she walks; more a kind of shuffle.
Still, by the time she answers the door for him, signs of that weariness are gone except for the way she tilts her head, for a moment, away from the hall light when it thrusts its way into the apartment, into her eyes. The main room is dark; the whole apartment is. There's a sort of stillness about it, even though it's warmer than she usually keeps it. She's in only a T-shirt and a pair of jeans right now, and if he looks he'll find her other shirts in a crumpled heap near the couch.
"...It's good to see you too," she says, after a brief hesitation, as though she might have said something else. And then she starts back toward her couch, walking now. When he asks how things are, one of her hands drifts up in a brief, dismissive wave. It's rather lacking in energy. "There's this cabal that rolled into town after a Technocrat the Technocracy cut loose. He was working on a drug to dampen Awakened abilities, like a mini-Gilgul thing from what I understand. They want him, some people in town feel sorry for him and want to protect him, the leader of the cabal has some agenda we don't quite know yet...fucking mess."
[Jarod] There was often news of this sort to come from Ashley. Being in a position of responsibility meant that she was intimately involved in current events whether she wanted to be or not, and this was situation that Jarod had some empathy for, even though he couldn't fathom why anyone would wish to put themselves in that position to begin with. He didn't need to use any supernatural senses to see how exhausted she was tonight, or how much pain she was in. There was evidence in the way she carried herself, in the way she avoided the light...
His brow creased lightly in sympathy when he regarded her, and when he walked over to the couch he sat down on one end and beckoned her over with a small gesture, intending to pull her into his side if she allowed it.
"Are they causing any trouble?"
[Ashley] With Ashley, sometimes it's easiest to tell how she's feeling based on how easily she accepts affection or sympathy. Take now, for instance: he pulls her over and there's a moment where she stiffens, and he might think the gesture's unwelcome, except that after that moment has passed she does move over to him and, gradually, comes to rest against his side. It comes more naturally to her than it did during that late night vigil, but there's still something uneasy about it, something reluctant (perhaps that isn't the word, though.)
"Not yet," she says. "But I have the feeling things aren't going to go very well soon. Molly feels bad for the Technocrat and I've been concerned that she'll run off to talk to him alone. Emily says the cabal has a personal stake in it and probably won't give up very easily, so if Molly or anyone else were to decide to keep him from them, it could blow up really fast."
Ashley frowns a moment, reaching up to rub at the muscles at the hinge of her jaw. It's not the place people instinctively rub when affected by a migraine, but typically it's one of the more helpful places; a lot of tension collects there. Still, it's likely hers is prompted as much by the leavings of her head injury as anything, even if this was a trigger.
"Normally I wouldn't care and I'd leave them to it. But we have a lot of stuff going on with the Technocracy right now, and with that kind of split..." It's not Molly Ashley's worried about, and it's not the Technocrat, and it's not the Horsemen; it's the idea that things might spill over into the domain of things she cares about. This is what she has in mind. "Emily talked some about getting cabals to work on it. I've hardly heard from mine in months."
[Jarod] [Life 3 - headache? What headache?]
Dice Rolled:[ 3 d10 ] 4, 8, 8 (Success x 3 at target 3)
[Jarod] Ashley made it sound as if the city might be poised for an eruption of violence between the Traditionalists and the Technocrats, and if that was true then there was more than enough cause for worry. Certainly enough to be headache-inducing. No one wanted a war. (Except perhaps the visiting cabal.) Jarod's own sentiments may have run decidedly anti-Convention, but while the fate of one technocrat didn't concern him over-much, broad-scale conflict was hardly at the top of his wish-list.
For not the first time, he found himself feeling momentarily grateful for the house in Madison, and the welcome sanctuary that it might provide, should tensions boil over. These were the kind of thoughts that went through Jarod's head when Ashley talked of impending crisis: escape routes, safety measures, fail-safes.
But as she'd said... so far tensions had not boiled over, so there was time to consider smaller concerns, like Ashley's headache. Her initial resistance was met with gentle reassurance on his part as he allowed her to take her time in settling in against him, but when she did he wrapped his arm around her and leaned back so that she could rest her head against the crook of his shoulder. When the sound of her voice melted away into silence, he bent his head and kissed the top of her own, closing his eyes and breathing in the smell of her hair. The touch was gentle (careful) but lingering, and soon enough she'd feel a relief of tension spread its way slowly from the point of the headache outward, washing away pain and replacing it with a lingering note of Sensuality.
When he pulled away, he acted as if he hadn't done anything. "Might be best to just give them what they want then, and encourage them to be on their way. If Molly wants to endanger herself, that's her own problem."
[Ashley] Ashley does not have fail-safes. Her thoughts have not turned along those lines, even though there is the very real possibility that someone will trace her here, now that they know roughly where she is. Now that her resonance is strong enough to be felt by the part of the population that still Sleeps. There's a little recklessness in her too; perhaps she simply sees no point in worrying about it. Or in hiding.
Her eyes close when her head comes to rest against him, and it would be easy enough to forget what they were talking about, in the silence. This is comfortable, and even the niggling sense that she is accepting things she probably shouldn't want in the first place doesn't quite detract from it.
The tension bleeds away so gradually she almost isn't aware of it at first, until there's a lessening of pressure, until some long interval goes by in which there's nothing lancing through the left side of her head. Ashley reaches up and rubs at her jaw once more, as though surprised or wondering, and then glances up at him, nonchalant as he's being.
She doesn't thank him directly. She wraps an arm across the front of him and squeezes for a half a second, then her arm slackens and rests.
She manages to find her train of thought again only when he speaks. "I can't just give them what they want. People'd be coming in here and making demands of me all the time." A beat. "I mean, I probably will," she says, "but only after I understand what's going on."
[Jarod] They didn't talk about what he'd done. He simply did it, and then Ashley hugged him, and it might have been any other night and two completely ordinary people sitting together on a sofa. Except for the fact that they were talking about things that ordinary people wouldn't be talking about.
He laughed gently when she protested his suggestion, only to add that this was probably what she was going to do. Ashley's stubborn pride was an endearing trait when it was being directed at people other than himself.
"Well do what you want, then." (As if she was ever going to do anything else.) "Just be careful. If this is personal, then they probably have a good reason to want him dead, and I can't imagine needing much more of a reason beyond what you know of him already."
There was a pause, and he let out a long breath. There was an air of reluctance about him now, similar to the one he'd had when Ashley had asked him to help save Alice, long ago. He'd used the last of his charms for that, and Tass wasn't easy to come by.
But he didn't need Tass anymore.
"Do you have any healing charms?" The question sounded a little tentative. "If not, I can make you some."
And by that silent admission, Ashley might be able to infer that his little nature excursion had proved enlightening.
[Ashley] "I can't either, really," she says. There's a moment's thought until she adds, "I won't deny that the thought of being able to bring him over has some appeal to me, but it's the kind of thing that could go really badly for the chantry." Not to mention herself, but that isn't something she generally considers. Personal risk is something she's willing to accept.
It could be interpreted as a sort of selflessness, if one were so inclined. In fact, that is probably exactly how most people would see it. It isn't, though, not really. Bravery, perhaps, and a side of disinclination to create more hassle for herself than she has to (which trouble with the chantry generally is, while personal danger for herself is not.) Her selfish tendencies just tend to work out for other people too, more often than not - much like Jarod's.
Ashley looks up at him when he asks after healing charms. Understanding then the success of what he'd set out to do in the park last week, and questioning, perhaps, his willingness to offer it now. Or not, so much. She does remember that he came to help Alice.
"I don't," she says, "but I've been studying a lot myself. I'll probably know how to do that on my own before too long." It isn't necessarily a protest; just Ashley's stubborn self-reliance rearing its head. A reminder that she doesn't need him, maybe.
"I mean, I doubt I'll be getting into anything physical," she says. Then, after a pause that spans only a second or two, "But they are usually helpful to have."
[Jarod] They were a little different that way. Ashley took personal risk as a given - as a necessary part of her life. Jarod always weighed his risks very carefully before jumping into anything. Perhaps that might be construed as cowardly by someone of a more zealous nature, but... well, when did Jarod ever seem to care whether people thought him brave or not? He was alive, when many of the people he'd known no longer were.
Ashley had been studying. This much was hardly surprising. Neither was the understanding that she was drawing near a point where she may be able to try healing herself. The rest, well... it came off as a bit prideful and foolhardy, to his ears, but he didn't say as much. Her response to his offer elicited a short, clipped laugh. Quiet - mostly just breath. But he didn't pull away or otherwise behave as if he was irritated.
"Well then, I guess you don't need my help. I can go back to being a glorified fuck-buddy and not worry about it." His voice sounded dry, but there was a teasing lilt to it that Ashley probably would have grown accustomed to by now.
[Ashley] Ashley has accepted healing charms from people before. Emily and Israel often give them for missions. But there's something different there, when Jarod makes an offer of them. Maybe she has some sense that he's doing it to try to keep her safe, that he wants to protect her. There's something about that, an uneasy weight. Ashley's not used to other people trying to take that role with her; she doesn't let them.
He's teasing her, though something about his word choice draws her eyes up to him, her chin tilting as her head shifts against his shoulder. Her brows furrow just a little and she says, "That's not how I think of you."
But she doesn't say what she does think of him; and she doesn't give him the chance to ask. She adds, "I don't need the help, but I guess things like that have been pretty useful in the past when there's been a problem. I..." Hesitation, a moment's thought. "Just because I don't need it doesn't mean it's not good to have sometimes, I suppose."
[Jarod] [Empathy - really, how do you think of me then?]
Dice Rolled:[ 5 d10 ] 2, 2, 2, 2, 9 (Success x 1 at target 5)
[Jarod] [No seriously]
Dice Rolled:[ 5 d10 ] 1, 3, 5, 6, 10 (Success x 1 at target 6)
[Ashley] It's hard to gauge her face in the dim light, just from that brief look up toward him. Particularly given that it's Ashley, and particularly given what he knows of her personality (and what is easily assumed about her, more often than not.) Still, he can tell she cares about him, but he knew that. He can tell he's more than a glorified fuck-buddy to her too. Beyond that? Who knows.
to Jarod
[Jarod] Ashley said that wasn't how she thought of him, and Jarod tilted his head and lowered his eyes to meet her gaze. "I didn't mean to imply that it was a bad thing," he added, more gently.
Having a relationship with someone that was purely based on sex didn't strike him as something one ought to feel ashamed of. People formed connections for all sorts of reasons, many of which were less honest (and more one-sided) than sex. It was also possible that he tended to view himself through that lens... or maybe that he just wanted everyone else to view him that way. (Or maybe a bit of both.) Once, he'd made a joke to this same effect with Emily - referred to himself as arm-candy - and she'd been bothered by it a great deal more than he had been. (Perhaps in part because there'd been more of an element of truth to it than she'd wanted to admit.)
Always the practical (if stubborn) creature, Ashley pointed out that having a few extra healing charms around would hardly be a bad idea. Maybe that was her way of saying that she'd like some. Maybe she was just trying to make him feel better. In either case, it was a casual response to an offer that to him had probably been a lot more than casual, but he hadn't necessarily been expecting anything different. So there was a shrug, and then, "If I end up with extras, maybe I'll bring a few by."
It didn't sound like such a big thing, that way. Like bringing over a cup of sugar.
But then he leaned his head down nuzzled against her cheek, kissing her gently. "I know that's not how you think of me." It was a gentle acquiescence, a little flicker of honesty amidst the smoke and mirrors.
[Ashley] Ashley and Jarod have nearly opposing ideas of what is casual to them, what they will offer up casually. Working with other people as an ally and offering a sort of trade of services is something Ashley has been taught to do since she was an apprentice. For her, it really is little more than an offer of a cup of sugar - or, well, something a little more valuable since Tass is, but all the same. She treats her relationships differently, though. It's been the cause of misunderstandings between them before, and she doesn't notice it now.
"It's not a bad thing," Ashley says. "It's just not the truth." Because really, she's not troubled by the idea of casual relationships either, and is hardly ashamed of sex or of those drives; he's seen that. Perhaps it isn't really something she usually does, but that doesn't mean she sees something wrong with it. Still - the protest rings true.
She doesn't have anything to offer up other than that bit of stubbornness, though. Not when he kisses her, not when he makes that acknowledgment. She glances up at him again, once, when the kiss breaks, and then her eyes wander out into the darkened apartment.
Perhaps she's just tired. She did end up fighting with Emily, after all. She doesn't mention it though. All she says is, "Thanks for coming over."
[Jarod] He'd been down this road before, and not so long ago, at that. The fact that he cared about Ashley didn't bother him as much as it once might have, when he'd kept up significantly more rigid boundaries between himself and other people. She was a friend. Probably one of the better ones, actually... despite their arguments and differences. He could accept that. He didn't need to question it. But until recently, he hadn't even for a moment suspected that Ashley might really care about him. Maybe that was a bit of deliberate blindness on his part. After all, he didn't have the excuse of being ignorant of the more subtle clues of human behavior.
But that had changed. So yes, he knew better. He knew there was more going on that what he'd teasingly suggested just now. And perhaps it was because he'd been through this with Emily (where neither of them had ever bothered to actually ask the other person what they felt, or what they wanted) that he said what he said next.
"Of course." He kissed the edge of her cheek and sat back. Ashley didn't seem very inclined toward conversation, so there was a bout of silence before he asked, "... How do you think of me, then?"
[Ashley] It isn't that long since Ashley has been down this road either. Perhaps she didn't expect anything like it this soon. It's not hard to imagine that it's a contributing factor to her reticence, given what happened. Given how recent. Given how complicated moving on gets for people even after they've had a substantial amount of time in which to do it.
He asks her that, and Ashley sighs and tilts her head away from his shoulder a little, into her own hand, reaching up to run fingers back through her hair. "I don't..." And then she stops, and sighs, because she does. But it's not easy being put on the spot this way, particularly for the sort of person either of them are.
She still makes the attempt at answering, regardless of how uneasy it makes her. He asked her directly, and she's honest, not the sort to be cowed. "I care about you. It makes me happy to spend time with you and I want to do it more." A beat, and she bites the inside of her cheek. "And I honestly don't think about the rest much. I'd rather just...be happy for a while than think about what's going to happen, or..."
She trails off, lifting her thumb to her mouth and biting on the edge for a moment. It's not something she usually does; meant to fill a pause, to make that hanging sentence seem less awkward. She doesn't voice doubts, if she has them; doubts are not something she vocalizes.
[Jarod] If she'd said she didn't really know or otherwise attempted to dodge or blow off the question, he wouldn't have been offended. Jarod didn't live in a world where he thought to have expectations of people. Every now and then something like that slipped in (it was inevitable, after being close to someone for a long time,) and it always ended with him being disappointed and hurt, so this particular habit wasn't likely to change. He hadn't asked because he wanted reassurance, or to put her on the spot. He'd asked because for a moment there... he'd just wondered how she felt.
Her answer actually surprised him a little, because he'd been expecting her to follow through on the first inclination (I don't know...) There was a flicker of something that crossed his expression, but it was a subtle thing, and fleeting, and she may not even notice it. In the end, she'd said pretty much exactly what she'd needed to say. It was honest, and somehow neither coldly clinical nor romantically idealistic (as if Ashley would ever be the latter.)
And there were fears left un-vocalized. He didn't need to ask her what they were.
He was quiet for awhile. Long enough that Ashley might feel a little exposed and uncomfortable, but when he did react, it came first with body language. He nudged her gently to indicate that he wanted her to move (not a demand but a request) onto his lap, because he wanted to look at her - because he wanted her closer, maybe. When she did, he put his hands on her thighs, then slid them up past her hips and around to her back, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into an embrace.
He leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes.
"I care about you too."
[Ashley] It's not very long at all before Ashley is feeling exposed and uncomfortable. There are a lot of reasons for her to be uncomfortable about that admission: she's given him something to hold over her, if he wants to. She's opened herself up to rejection. She's also opened herself up to silence, a non-answer, which would be the worst thing, and for a little while that's what she thinks she's going to get. They've both gotten used to certain responses from people.
She weathers it with as much dignity as a person can. She's not an affection-starved child any more, or a young apprentice with mommy-daddy issues, or any of the other numerous things she has been or once was. As her discomfort grows, she eventually shifts, and there's a quiet clearing of her throat as though she's searching for something to say, some topic to switch to. Then he nudges her toward him, and the way her eyebrows lighten, as though something that had been sitting between them has fallen away, is really the only tangible measure of relief.
He pulls her into an embrace. She sinks into it, and her eyes close too, and she'll let them remain that way for a while, silhouettes, profiles aligned like one of those old pictures (some things are timeless even if the times change.) There aren't any questions about what this means or what to do or what now. Maybe at one time she would've thought about asking those things, concerned herself more with whether she was getting everything she wanted, exactly as she wanted it.
All she does now is bring a hand up along his cheek, her thumb grazing his jaw, as she leans in to kiss him. And doesn't stop for questions. Neither of them are what they were once.
